“Where are you buggers now? You’re never at home.”

 

 

 

We’re at home. Have been pretty much since late October, save for a weekend trip to Jozi for a 70th celebration and long overdue (and in retrospect, much too short) return to the bush.

 

And what’s more, we won’t be far from Rooi Els for quite a while.

 

So, back from October’s short(ish) trip to London to see Laura and Julian and two weeks in Scandinavia, we’ve only been in South Africa and enjoying it thoroughly.

 

 

 

The trip to the bush was a bit of a journey of (re-)discovery. We loaded the still almost brand new AndyLandy and drove what felt like north, but was actually almost due east to Tsitsikamma and the Storms River Mouth.

 

We spent most of the six-plus hour drive with our eyeballs bugged-out, almost touching the windscreen, as one after another, South Africa’s drivers in both directions displayed a bewildering array of bad driving habits. Blind bends, double barrier lines and driving in the emergency lane (to enable overtaking where road conditions/markings forbid) were the less frightening things on show. Many cars and buses being piloted in such kamikaze fashion were carrying passengers, the taxis often fully laden with 15+ souls all seemingly on their way to the scene of the accident.

 

Sigh.

 

The Tsitsikamma National Park is possibly one of the most spectacular in SANParks pantheon of resorts and something of a second home for us,  as we spent to many holidays here when Laura and Julian were growing-up.

 

Not much has changed since our last visit. The Park’s reception office is now at the main gate and the restaurant currently being re-built. Our two bed Oceannette was well appointed and offered full 180 degree views of the spectacular rocks, shore and ocean. Very nice.

 

I had forgotten the near precipitous stairs down to the Oceannettes however and carrying food, luggage and cameras has forever etched in my mind the need to book a cabin with no steps next time.

 

Two days, one spent with visiting friends now living in Plettenberg Bay and we were on our way again. This time to Queenstown.

 

 

 

500+km from Tsitsikamma, over some badly potholed roads, especially  after passing Grahamstown, the drive was made worse by a clutter of roadwork-driven stop and go delays. Each one required a 10/15 minute wait, making a long day even longer.

 

It’s also not really the best place to discover that your B&B belongs to a trucking company and hidden amongst the heavy vehicles parked on the site is what looks suspiciously like a stolen BMW 3 series, it’s door and ignition locks drilled out, its cream coloured interior in a pretty bad state of repair.

 

The welcome-lady who was due to let us in and show us around had gone off to have her hair done. Fortunately, the owner gave us instructions as to how to get in via the back door without a key and we were well settled in by the time said lady returned, with head intricately braided and apology noticeably absent.

 

Despite being called a B&B, breakfast was not only absent the following morning, but we were chided for not telling our hostess that we wanted breakfast and were willing to pay a healthy add-on to the (we were fast discovering) ridiculously high room rate, for our repast.

 

We weren’t, left earlier than we had planned and dined at the local Mickey-Dees, amongst the last of the homeward bound party-stragglers from the night before.

 

 

 

Neither of us had been to Bethlehem before and our first visit bought yet more accommodation hassles. This time, we arrived to find that we aren’t even expected, despite my holding a printed booking sheet confirming our overnight as well as proof of payment for what was now clear – a ridiculously high room rate.

 

Our dozy host blames the booking agency (but later in the day, ‘fesses-up that the mistake was his – he’d forgotten). We are shuffled into the only room clean enough for visitors. It is small and while quite comfortable, but discover that once again, breakfast is an add-on.

 

Fortunately, there’s a shopping mall across the road and our first Spur steak dinner of the trip follows.

 

 

 

On to Hazyview.

 

We’re making these 500-odd km days to ease the stress and strain of long distance travel – so we can better deal with and take appropriate action to avoid the appalling driving we’re encountering as much as ensuring we’re not permanently crippled when we unfold ourselves from the car. And, don’t be fooled, while 500km suggests a five hour(ish) drive, in reality, it turns out to be between six to seven hours whether you want it to or not.

 

Hazyview – at last! A B&B that is expecting us. Our room is ready and pleasant, as is the welcome. Breakfast is extra, however.

 

That wasn’t so much a surprise by now. We once again elected to buy something good en route and stopped at Bourkes Luck Potholes to see nature’s strange rock sculptures and en route back to the car, discovered an excellent toasted (egg and bacon) sarnie at the café, to top off our brief visit.

 

 

 

We think that it’s about twenty years since we’ve been to the Kruger Park and booked at the Bateleur Bush Camp, which has been opened since our last visit. It’s midway between Phalaborwa and Punda Maria, deep in the bush, at the end of an untarred, private road.

 

In short, spectacular. The game was lined up at the roadside to welcome us back with a cheery wave, the weather cooled after our 35C arrival and all-in the Park was as brilliant as it always was. We’ll be back.

 

As in arriving, leaving the Park is slow – 40km/h on the sand roads and 50km/h on tar meant nearly three hours to the gate and then an eyeballl to eyeball argument with the satnav which wanted to take us to our friends bush house near Bela Bela (formerly Warmbaths) via Giyani. South African readers will understand…

 

In a sublime blend of insistence and disregard, we ignored the bleating guidance system and headed for Louis Trichard (now Makhado) and the N1. Another journey of Oscar-ready driving performances, although in reality, most were only suitable for a Darwin Award. Even the national road made no difference to the performance. Many drivers added to their display of driving skills by tossing bags of litter along the way. Is this a modern day trail of rubbish, clearly replacing Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs, to assist them in finding their way home again? Sadly, that won’t work; there’s so much crap strewn along our roads that it would be impossible to find one’s way anywhere by that method.

 

Eventually, Bela Bela hove into sight and with it, two blissful days of no-driving sanity at Mabalingwe, amongst old friends.

 

Home calls and all too soon, we were back on the road to Kimberley.

 

Getting smarter about our forgetful B&B breakfast bandits and before leaving Magalingwe, I check with our hosts regarding arrival times in the city and breakfast. The timeframe is OK – we have a 700km drive today – but once again, breakfast is extra. So much extra that we could go to the local Wimpy and choke down their biggest Mega Breakfast and still save 50% over the usurious rate these thieves want to charge us.

 

It needs to be said that our accommodations are elegant and comfortable, but our third steakhouse (a Spur again) dinner in less than a week is enough. If I see red meat once more…

 

We spurned breakfast and decided to rather pay off the balance on our bond, instead opting for a toasted sarmie in a wayside petrol station/café. Not usually my breakfast of choice, but our stop at Leeu Gamka forced me to re-think that stricture. Fresh bread, well toasted, a good filling of cheese and tomato and accompanied with hot from oil, salted chips. Nothing wrong with that.

 

 

 

We’re headed for the highly recommended Karoo National Park at Beaufort West. We’ve never stayed here before, but the welcome is warm, our chalet comfortable and the helpful young man at reception even stapled a breakfast voucher to our paperwork.

 

“Breakfast?”

 

“Yes, it’s included. We’re open from seven until ten.”

 

National park. Free breakfast. Huh?

 

It was our last evening and we’d planned an evening braai, as much to finish up our provisions as pleasure. However, the wind is howling and it’s chilly outside – hardly weather to be standing around watching your embers being blown into the tinder-dry veldt.

 

Still, it’s a great spot – we’ll definitely be back. The breakfast was pretty good too.

 

 

 

Well, you’ve got this far, so some reward if you’re planning to travel in South Africa.

 

First, wi-fi. Most places promise wi-fi, but it’s suitability for the task is dubious and an enquiry as to why it is as useful as wet string, brings little more than a cow eyed apology, or a shrug that would do the average Frenchman credit.

 

Don’t trust the hype. We both have data-able phones and also carry a Huawei mi-fi – a tiny hub that employs a SIM card to provide Internet access (providing there’s a signal) for 4-5 devices.

 

 

 

Driving home, we discussed how much we’d enjoyed the Kruger Park and how much we’d like to make this trip again next year. Driving is a given – it is possible to fly and rent a car, but the chances of spotting game seems to be reduced by an order of magnitude for every centimetre your eye level is reduced, so we really do need to travel in AndyLandy.

 

So, the plan is to investigate putting the car on the train from Cape Town to Johannesburg and then driving up to the Park. It’s expensive, but once fuel and two/three nights lodging is factored in, it suddenly becomes much more do-able. Then there’s the wear and tear on the vehicle and the almost inevitable speeding fine(s). Seems like a plan. More on that one, soon.

 

Finally, this trip saw us spend six nights in SANParks resorts. I’d never given the idea much thought before, but before leaving, bought a Wild Card, the cost of which (R850/year for South Africans) is offset by not being charged park access and daily driving rates. On this trip, we saved the initial R850 cost plus couple of hundred Rand extra – a great deal in anyone’s language.

 

Back home, the south easter (wind) that makes Rooi Els so (in)famous is hammering away at around 80km/h. We’re not expecting much respite until after Xmas.